Bowling for Affection

I figured it was time to make another post about my past. I am thinking that those of you who don’t know me will want to get to know me better. And for those of you that think you know me, you will find out that you do not know me as well as you thought you knew me. Did this remind anyone else of the exchange between Vincini and Wesley before the iocaine powder incident in The Princess Bride?

I tend to be a pretty confident guy, seemingly. I find confidence in my intelligence and my quick wit. I really use my wit and humor to hide my insecurities which makes my confidence, well, false. That probably isn’t really news to those who know me. Or those who think they know me.  Or those who thought that they think they knew me…

You hear a lot about that fat guy who uses his humor to try and carve out a niche in the social hierarchy. As a matter of fact, I have talked to several of “those guys” as I meet new people who are currently on a weight loss journey similar to mine.

That was me in high school for sure. I keep looking back and I realize that I wasn’t a super fat guy in high school. But I really yo-yo’d in my weight from my freshman to my senior year. I remember really packing on the pounds and then losing a lot of weight.  My wife actually saw a picture of me my senior year and said, “Who is that skinny kid?” I was by no means skinny either. I was a large person for sure. But I digress.

I do not really know if my friends were conscious of my insecurities with my weight in high school.  I think that I covered it up with my use of humor but I literally wore my insecurities around my waist.  Most of my friends were soccer players, so I was by far the heaviest of my social group. I am assuming that most of my friends knew I was uncomfortable in my own skin, but were friends enough not to beat me up over it.  They probably talked about me behind my back, the jerks.  Just kidding. Sort of. Well you can imagine how being the fat guy had an affect on my love life.  I was “friends” with ALL the ladies.  For the most part.  But I never really dated anyone seriously. I had a knack for making the ladies laugh.  I wasn’t afraid to talk to any girls…that is…unless I liked them “more than friends.” Check yes or no if you like me. Then I would get all nervous and start to worry about whether or not they would like me back and then I would talk myself into the whole why-would-they-like-me BS.  I would just play it off and try NOT to act like I liked them any more than just friends.  I just didn’t think they ever would date me so I wouldn’t ever ask.  I was afraid that they would think I was too fat and gross.  It probably didn’t help that I wore glasses too.  Or that I was a complete dork. I basically realized while writing this post that I was (or am) Judah Friedlander see picture.

But for some reason I still hung out with a lot of rockin ladies.  But they were always like “friend” date kinda things. This one time I remember taking a nice lady to the bowling alley.  I had actually taken her out a few times, but “just as friends.” When we got to the bowling alley there were some of the “popular” girls there.  They came up and started talking to the girl I was with (because she was popular too).  Then this one girl, who I would love to name but I have grown past it –  this is a good place to show how mature you have become Hank…-, actually said, with me standing right there, “Are you actually here with HIM??”

Ohh. That did wonders for my self-esteem.  I pretty much lost all faith in my game at that point.  I pulled a Labron in the finals.  I just gave up.

But enough cry baby crap.

I think it made me a better person in the long run. Really? Ok. Not really. It sucked.  It sucked not going to my own prom because I was scared to death to ask the girl I wanted to take.  By the time I ALMOST got up the nerve, she already had a date.  Waaa Waaa. I know.

Well fast forward to now.

I eventually did have the intestinal fortitude to ask out the hot girl. My personality did enough for me to help me convince my wife to marry me, and she is smokin’ hot so I can’t complain about high school too much. (Although Greg D. you did tell me once that I didn’t deserve her, but that was when you hated me and I was making your life hell.  I forgive you for the harsh words if you will forgive me for my residency in East Hall…) My wife could see through the thickness, although once again I wasn’t as big when she met me as I am now. She liked me just the way i was.

I want to make sure now, even though I know my wife will love me no matter what, that I don’t embarrass her by being too large to do fun things or to die early and leave her and the kids with out a wife and dad. I want to be a husband and dad that makes her proud.  I think it is working…


4 comments to Bowling for Affection

  • your wife

    I am proud of you and love you always. awwww, how sweet. You are so lucky to have me. Just promise not to dump me when everyone else realizes how hot you are! 😉

  • Jamie Boney

    First and foremost, Congratulations on your motivation to achieve this goal. I know that you will do it! I’ve been thinking about this post and think that it is amazing that you let everyone into your head. I felt virtually the same way in high school. I know that we didn’t know each other that well, but I thought you were super cool. I can’t believe anyone would be so hurtful towards you! Maybe it was that you were to cool for the girl?

    • hank

      Thanks Jamie. Super cool? Hardly! 🙂 We might not have known each other that well but since Andrew spoke highly of you, you ranked in my book.

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