Healthy Coffee

A few people…ok, only one person… have asked me how I am doing with my Monster energy drink addiction.

I am proud to say that I have not had a Monster energy drink in over 3 weeks.

I think that I am cured off the juice.

But just as a heroin addict will transfer his or her addiction to methadone in order to kick the junk, I have also transferred my affection to another liquid pick-me-up.

Iced coffee.

Oh yes. I am now a coffee drinker. No sugar. A little cream and a healthy splash of almond milk. That is the way I take it, thank you very much.

But let me tell you a tale of weirdness and intrigue. The reason that I got addicted to Monster drinks in the first place is because coffee has a really weird effect on me. Well, hot coffee does. I know that this might sound like a farce or something worse, but whenever I drink hot coffee it makes me flush for the next several hours afterwards. My forehead sweats. My foreARMS sweat. I feel hot in the face and clammy all over. Weird right? It is like immediate onset menopause whenever I drink a piping hot cup of joe. Which is why I don’t drink piping hot cups of joe.

Which is why I started drinking Red Bull in high school to help get me through the day.

I drank Red Bull from high school, through college and then into my “professional” days. I started out drinking one per day, then two per day, then sometimes three per day. I drank so many that I bought it by the case at Sams. Then I started having weird hearing and ear issues, like constant ringing and eventually, vertigo. I did not know if that was related to my over-consumption of energy drinks, but I thought it might be. So I stopped, cold turkey, about six years ago. And the ear problems stopped. Hmmmm.

Well about four years ago I stopped drinking soda on a regular basis because I wanted “to be healthy”. Nevermind that I was eating about 5000 calories a day. And so my caffeine intake came to a screeching halt. I was feeling very fatigued and lethargic and so I thought that I needed more caffeine. I am sure it had nothing to do with my sedentary lifestyle or the fact that I was teetering at around 360 on the scale. So because of my “health kick”, oh the ignorance of it all, I found the Lo-Carb Monster Energy drinks. And I dove in head first.

So that is how I came to be addicted to the liquid crack. The mellifluous coffin nail. The chemical initiative.

But now I have shed the dirty juice. And I am onto the natural and more healthy bean juice. Of which the benefits are many.

According to the Huffington Post, coffee drinkers are less likely to suffer from depression, coffee could potentially stave off Alzheimer’s more effectively, drinkers have lower instances of prostate cancer,  drinkers are less likely to get Type II diabetes, and BEST OF ALL, coffee MAY just boost metabolism.

Ah yes. I think I will own that.

Coffee is healthy.

Legal disclaimer.
I am not a doctor nor am I certified or endorsed by the FDA, the CIA, 4-H or NAFTA. The statements above concerning the health benefits of coffee were lifted from another website, mentioned, and should not be taken as credible scientific evidence unless proven by scientists, doctors, or Al Gore. While I hope that the statements are true, there is always the chance that they are not. Please consult your physician, physiologist, psychic or other hard to spell expert to find out if coffee is ok for you. Also for the LOVE OF THE BIG MAN (DIETY) UPSTAIRS, DO NOT TAKE THIS AS AN ENDORSEMENT TO DRINK LOTS OF SUGARY LATTES AND WHATNOT. I do not put ANY sugar in my coffee. No sugar tonight in my coffee. No sugar tonight in my tea. Dat’n-doo-dow-dow.


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