Challenges: Keeping Up Appearances

This is going to be a seriously emo post, but in the spirit of truth, honesty and the American weigh (see what I did there?) I am going to lay some sh*t out that I don’t want to. I barely even have the mental energy to write this post.  I am having a rough week. Not so much physically as psychologically. And because of my propensity to mask my insecurities with humor and bravado, sometimes I get caught up in not being honest. So read on you brave companions…

You know the worst part about being so public about my weight loss? The worst part is keeping up appearances.

Ha! Today is FAT TUESDAY. I am having an I’M A FATTY day (week)(month). It sucks to have lost 85 pounds and still feel like a fat ass.

I have had a couple of weeks where I have played off my weight loss stall as “just a normal part of this type of journey.” I feel like when I post tweets and FB status and videos, I am showing a facade that says “everything is ok. I’m ok with this. I will get over it. I will push forward…” But the truth is, I still FEEL like a bloated walrus.

It is weighing on me psychologically.  I am having the hardest time mentally that I have had on this journey. I have had a lot of drastic thoughts over the past several weeks.  They range from normal to manic:

  • Maybe my body is happy at this weight and I should just start working on maintenance now.
  • I still look like the Michelin man with my shirt off.
  • Maybe I will just take a few weeks off from trying so hard and then kick start a new campaign.
  • Maybe I CAN’T lose 20 or 30 more pounds. It might not be possible.
  • I am sick of pretending to be healthy. I just want to go eat an entire pizza by myself.
  • I just want to lie in bed for the rest of the week.
  • Well I blew my calories at lunch, might as well stop worrying about it today.
  • I don’t feel like exercising today. So I just won’t.
  • I didn’t log my lunch calories today because they were too many. Screw it.
  • No one will even notice as long as I keep writing funny posts.

Oops. I guess I have let the cat out of the bag.
Now I am not sitting here crying or anything (yet) but I am seriously down on myself. Getting fit is a tough thing to do and I feel like it is beating me right now.

So what to do about it?  I can sit here and wallow in my own self-pity, right?
Or I can just keep at it like nothing is wrong. That is what guys tend to do.
Or I can admit that I am feeling this way and work towards a solution.

I think the latter is the best move. I mean come on. I have lost 85 pounds and overcome some serious obstacles already. I think I know how I am going to overcome this. Stay tuned. I will have another post in the very near future that will address what I am going to do.

I am writing this post because I think you guys out there who have started a weight loss journey or WANT to start one know that there are difficult days ahead. There is no avoiding it. BUT there is also NO turning back. Our lives depend on getting healthy. Our deaths depend on us sitting idly by.

I can overcome these emotional and psychological hurdles. I WILL overcome them.

 

11 comments to Challenges: Keeping Up Appearances

  • Amber Hanna Forbes

    Awww! I hate that you are feeling this way 🙁
    You have done AMAZING THINGS and have inspired your sister & brother-in-law to start their own journeys!!!

  • Michelene Cleary
    Twitter: michelenecleary

    Hang in there Hank. There are times when I have felt the same way. 2 years to lose 95 pounds and a year to keep it off. Up 10 pounds after shoulder surgery – now lost one. So net net I still need to lose that 9 and then maybe a few more. There are days when I feel like my stomach will never be flat and my thighs will always suck. There are days where I don’t feel fat anymore and think I’m doing great. It’s all part of the emotional journey that you go through when you transition so drastically in health and habits.

    Thanks for being honest. I think it helps others who try to follow in your footsteps to know what the real story is and not some hilarious facade.

    Best wishes,

    Michelene

  • Greg
    Twitter: Locker_29

    Hank, trust me I’ve been right where you are, and I’ll be there again. I got stuck on 303, 292, 288, 282, and am stuck at 275. Here is the dirty little secret of weight loss — our bodies don’t want to lose weight and will do everything in the power to stop the weight loss process. It is scientific fact. My best advice to you is not to worry about the scales and focus upon the quality of you life, which is one of the reasons that running has become such a big part of my life. I may not see progress on the scales, but I can sure tell that I can run 13.1 miles, that I now have skinny runner’s legs, and I had to have a link taken out of my watch. And honestly, those things make me feel a whole lot better than seeing the scale drop from 282 to 275. I am not suggesting that running is the answer to your problem, that is just what worked for me, but I think that there has to be another way for you to gauge your progress other than the scales.

  • Molly Nitka
    Twitter: MollyMFNitka

    My sunday Post on my blog was like this. I totally understand what you’re feeling. Remember where you started and where you are now. YOU’RE A BEAST!

  • Deb
    Twitter: debslosingit

    I previously lost 64 pounds, hit a plateau, and just gave up after a few months of maintaining that weight. And sometime later, I had pretty much those same thoughts once I tried to get back in gear again. I think you’re on the right track though. You’ve isolated the bad feelings and thoughts. You’ve put them down on “paper.” You’ve recognized the issue at hand- self-defeating thoughts. There are hard parts to this journey. Really, really hard parts. I gave up last time, but I won’t give up this time. You will not give up Hank. You’re better, stronger, and more invested in making a better future you than these thoughts give you credit for.

  • DAD

    If you quit now, I will kick you in your privates. Put on more steam.

  • Alright man, you’re catching up to me in more ways than one. Stalls are a mental challenge for sure, yet another test of your conviction. You know how to technically do it, just put your head down and make it happen.

    Sadly, it doesn’t get any easier. I’m trying (really, really hard) to be happy with my 0.8lbs current weekly loss average. Imagine how slow it will be when are are 5lbs from goal. UGH!

  • You’re doing great!!! I have read that after being on a caloric deficit for months at a time, it is best to go on maintenance for a week to reset everything if you’ve hit a plateau. I have done it before and it seems to work. Also, you’re a beast when it comes to working out so be sure that you’re fueling enough! 🙂

  • MCM Mama
    Twitter: mcmmama

    Hang in there. Being stalled sucks, but remember that what you are doing is for more than just weight loss. Continuing to eat well combined with working out will improve your health and fitness, even if the scale doesn’t budge.

    I hear you on just wanting to give up though. I’m currently trying to break a chocolate habit I’ve gotten into over the last few weeks. Sigh.

  • Arthur

    Love how honest this post was! Hate when people act like its not hard or a journey…getting fit. Hell, I’ve lost 60 lbs and I still like chips. I still sometimes that food that helped me get to 300 lbs. that’s just my reality. But bigger than than that reality is that I’m committed to this. And when I have a bad day, there’s always tomorrow! This is a marathon not a sprint!

    You WILL overcome this! We WILL overcome this!

    Keep the funny coming…keep the real coming! We’re in this thing together!

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