Week 67 – Let’s Get Real Here

[UPDATE: I meant to write this first thing but I forgot. I will be doing weigh in posts ONCE A MONTH for the foreseeable future. I feel that this is going to be the best way to go about it. I will ALWAYS post on Thursdays but it will be Stock Reports on weeks 1, 2 and 4 and Weigh Ins on week 3. ]

So as you guys know, I have taken quite some time off from weighing in (officially).  I have totally checked myself out on the scale, but I have not been logging it here on the website. The disappointing thing is that I have NOT lost any weight in quite a while. I have talked about the weight plateau for so long that I hate even bringing it up again.

I have been trying to decide almost all day whether I was even going to post this. But I have laid everything out in the past for you so I might as well do it now.

So 257 is what I weighed in at this morning.

The last time I weighed in I was 251.8 pounds.  So that is a 5.2 pound GAIN in 12 weeks.  Seems like a pretty disappointing moment in history, doesn’t it?

I am totally disappointed. As a matter of fact I am pretty ashamed. I am so ashamed that I figured I would throw all shame in the pot and go take a picture of myself without my shirt on.

If you didn’t know already, taking my shirt off in front of anyone is probably the one of the biggest fears I have (aside from spiders.) Well it isn’t so much a fear as it is this incredible feeling of shame and discomfort that I have when I have my shirt off. It is not pretty. My skin is weird. I am saggy. I have stretch marks that make it look like I was attacked by a tiger and a pit-bull and a Freddy Kruger. I have a farmers tan that would make Old McDonald jealous. I feel like a freak.

But my shame led me to do something wild tonight and I think that you guys might just appreciate it and not judge me or look at me as Jabba the Walrus. This is going to be a first. And my hands are shaking as I type this out. But here we go.

I have been taking pictures of myself without my shirt on since the second week I weighed in. I just have not been posting them. I have been locking them down tighter than Romney’s tax returns. But I feel that now is the time. The time to break them out.

Ughhh. Here is my picture from May 21, 2011 when I weigh in at 324 pounds.

 

Let me just take a second to say that I hate this picture. I hate myself for looking like that. I hate myself for posting this. I feel short of breath at this very moment.

But there is some redemption.

I took a picture of myself tonight because I knew that, even though I have gained 5 pounds over the past 12 weeks, I do not look like that picture up there. Nor will I ever look like that again.

I know that there is something not going right at the moment. I know that I should still be losing weight considering how I eat and how I exercise. I know that IT COULD BE that I have gained some muscle over the past 12 weeks of EcoCross KettleHell. But I just don’t think that I have gained enough muscle to completely cancel out ANY weight loss.

I am going to figure this out. And here is why. I am a beast.  I am THE beast.

I AM THE BEAT FACE FAT ASSASSIN.

Here is what I discovered when I took my shirt off tonight. While it is not pretty, it speaks volumes.

If I get a little sun I might even look normal.

I have a very large frame. I know that. I am never going to be skinny. But I can see that muscle is beginning to move into places that were once (and had always been) puffy and jiggly. I have not lost any weight over the past several months, but it is obvious that something is going right. My upper body  looks like it belongs to someone else. Someone who knows what they are doing. If I can get the gut to follow suit, things are going to be fine. I AM going to figure this out and I AM going to be comfortable in my skin. (I just want that skin to tighten up some!)

So there it is folks. This is probably the most uncomfortable I have been in 67 weeks of doing this. I have shown you a side of me that only my wife and doctor have seen in the past 10 years. I need a beer. And a psychologist.

At least there is a new t-shirt to cover my misgivings…

 

 

20 comments to Week 67 – Let’s Get Real Here

  • Jess
    Twitter: _J2

    Frank you are so courageous! Good for you! When I look at those pictures I see a man who has come so crazy far. And, also, your rocking’ guns! I mean it, you are freaking ripped! You’ve for sure been putting the work in, I hope you can figure out this plateau. Keep up the great work!

  • Dude. You’ve got cojones. Props! Thanks for the post, seriously. That was really amazing.

  • I need some motivation in my life…I feel like I am going to go back through all of your entries to help me along! Thanks buddy!

  • Steph
    Twitter: kitchenkm

    Sweet! Keep it up! Lookin’ hot!

  • courtney
    Twitter: btc_blog

    great post – thanks for sharing. that would be a hard thing to post those pictures and that’s awesome you were able to do it! I have been struggling with the plateau the last few weeks and it hard not to beat yourself up over it! I know I constantly worry about why I haven’t lost any weight this month and struggle with not getting down on myself for “wasting” a month on this journey.

  • youve made some amazing progress so far. the scale is only a small indicator of how well youve done. keep it up!!

  • Molly Nitka
    Twitter: MollyMFNitka

    I am totally on the same page as you right now. Haven’t lost a significant amount of weight in a while. But I look at myself in the mirror now and actually like what I see. I am trying to build more muscle definition now and becoming stronger. KEEP BEASTMODE ON!

  • Debbie@ Live from La Quinta
    Twitter: livefromlq

    Thanks so much for trusting your readers enough to post this. I hope you know that we are your biggest fans, we are rooting for you all the time. And basically, you look pretty damn awesome! You beast 🙂

  • MCM Mama
    Twitter: mcmmama

    You have made amazing progress! Kudos to you for being brave enough to share.

    Keep eating right and working out while trying some tweaks here and there. The changes will come eventually.

    You rock!

  • RunInBoise
    Twitter: runinboise

    That is awesome that you were brave enough to share your progress with us in pic form tonight. I don’t know when I would ever be brave enough to share a sports bra & shorty shorts pic.

  • Angie
    Twitter: wanderingangie

    Go Hank!
    Throw that shame away, you don’t need it.
    I love your posts and the beast face always brings a smile to my face 🙂

  • Heather@YSP
    Twitter: SushiJammies

    You look incredible. I definitely see significant change. You should be super proud of the work you’ve done, and now hopefully you’ve found the motivation to keep doing it. Don’t give up.

  • Wow!!! You are ripped!!! And there is nothing disgusting, gross, or jiggly about you! You are an inspiration to others, and I’m proud to call you my brother! XOXO

  • DAD

    Good post. I am inspired to post nudes. I’ll be right back.

  • Love this post and what you are doing. Have you measured body fat percentage? If so, I think you’d be amazed with yourself. If not, try it now! Erin or Kyle can help you do that at the gym.

  • Sarah @ Semi-Sweet
    Twitter: semisweetonline

    I love this post! You’ve got chutzpah, moxie . . . balls. You’re not that 300+ guy any more. You are a fat burning machine. I get hung up on the scale, too, but you’re doing all the right stuff. Figure out what’s going on, but don’t let this bit ‘o weight derail you. You rock.

    P.S. Where did you get that shirt? My trainer’s always talking about “beast mode” – must get one!!

  • Kim @ Coffee Pot Chronicles
    Twitter: kimulmanis

    This is a very brave post and one I think you should be proud of. You are doing amazing despite the 5 pound gain and you shouldn’t beat yourself up so much over this. You’ll be back on track when you’re ready.

    In the meantime, celebrate your successes and how far you’ve come with that delicious beer. I say you deserve it. =)

  • Diane
    Twitter: Shekure

    Your courage is so inspiring, Hank, and I think your ability to not give up even in the face of this crappy plateau is really moving. Keep your chin up!

  • Heidi

    You are a man that has lost 80 pounds. You should be able to “strut your stuff” without judgement (or fear) from others or yourself. You are doing a great thing for yourself and your family! When I look at those two pictures, I see great success: you’re thinner, stronger, and much happier! You can’t dismiss that because of a gaining of a few pounds or a plateau in loss. I just found your blog today and what an inspiration you are to me already! I have been reading past blogs and getting to know your journey, and I stand and applaud you!!!! I am going to continue to keep track of you, and hope to follow your journey and become healthier myself for myself and my family. Bless you and your family and all you do. Have courage, be strong, be persistent, and achieve much!!!!

Leave a Reply

 

 

 

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>