I was having a little bit of writers block for the past couple of days. I felt like I should be writing SOMETHING about the Holiday season and eating right during this time and all of that jazz. But everyone seems to be writing that already and I felt like I didn’t want to be like everyone else right now. Then I thought that it was about time to post another Stuff Fat People Do post. Could I tie the two together? The following is my attempt…
As a man who weighed 350 pounds or so, I actually hated the thought of going to weddings (or funerals), receptions, socials, soirees, bar mitzvahs, bat mitzvahs, shindigs, hootenannys, or any other event in which I needed to dress nicely. You know, like a suit or even a button down shirt. And in all honesty, even casual events here in Charleston in the summertime make me squirm.
It is because of all of the self-insulation I have carried in the past. You know, my natural cold repellent. My human blubber…
It seemed, for a long time, like I could not go anywhere, where there would be a large gathering of people, without sweating my parts off. In the dead of winter I would sweat. In the dog days of summer I would sweat. Inside parties and outside parties, it didn’t matter. And I don’t mean like just a little bit of sheen on my nose or my pits watering a little. I mean buckets. To the point that I would have to either bring my own small towel or handful of napkins to keep wiping the waterfalls from my face, arms, legs, head, everywhere…
It is completely embarrassing having to deal with that. Not to mention it makes a person agonizingly uncomfortable.
My wife knew the drill. We would show up to the party on time. Hang out for a bit. After about 30 minutes or so it usually started to get bad. I would excuse myself to the bathroom several times to wipe my face or whatever. I would seek out a fan if there was one around (parties in Charleston have fans a lot because it get so freaking hot here.) If it were cooler outside then I would try and hang out near an open door or even outside if it seemed more comfortable. Parties with alcohol were the worse, because everyone knows that for some reason the drink makes you feel even hotter. Then if things got too unbearable or wet, I would pretty much demand that we leave.
Am I speaking to anyone here? Have you dealt with this before?
Here is the part that makes me feel the most guilt (because in all reality, it WAS my fault). My poor wife missed SO MANY awesome pieces of wedding cake because I made her leave before they cut it.
Well ’tis the Season right?
I have been dreading this time of year because of all of the parties and whatnots that we will be invited to (yes, we ARE THAT popular…) We have also been having a pretty warm winter already as well. I just knew that I would be hating all of the parties because of my self insulating induced hyper-hydrosis.
But guess what?
We have already been to several and the only thing that has caused us to leave early is the fussing of our children! Yes it’s true! I have NOT had any uncomfortable sweating episodes. Don’t get me wrong. I still sweat, but it IS Charleston and it IS expected. I have just been sweating normally, like everyone else! What a relief! This is again one of those moments that only a former fat person (or someone who has ACTUALLY had hyper-hydrosis) would understand.
I guess this is one of those victories that you don’t expect when you lose weight.
By the way, I still look like I just went swimming in my clothes after a good workout or run…
Have you ever experienced the discomfort of being hot and sweaty because of excess body luggage? I can attest to the horrible feeling. I am hear to tell you though that it can be overcome!