To Hold His Pants Up

Why does a fireman wear red suspenders?

Hello folks.  Meet my belt. I call him Squeezy II.

My belt and I have been together for, hmmm, I’ll say around 5 or 6 years.  I had the very same belt before Squeezy II. His name was Squeezy I and I had him for about the same amount of time.  Both Squeezy I and II are the largest belts I could find at out local Mega Conglomerate Buy Whatever You Need Store.

Squeezy I was retired when the first belt hole stretched out so much that he was rendered useless. Whence came Squeezy II.  As you can see from the above picture, Squeezy II was heading for a similar fate (albeit on the second belt hole…like that matters to the story).  You can tell from the picture that the daily use that Squeezy is receiving could have a disastrous outcome should there be no drastic action taken to relieve the stress in which Squeezy is being subjected to.

Enter dramatic weight loss by me.

Squeezy II may soon need to be retired for a completely different reason.  The reason is that I have had to start pulling him up to his last belt hole. You see, as the picture below demonstrates, Squeezy II has no where to go from here. And he is already having trouble helping me hold up my pants. And I have forgone my redneck roots and do not want to make a new hole with my pocket knife.

Well I am going to rename Squeezy II before I retire him.  His new name shall henceforth be Struggly. As in he is struggling to keep my pants up. Squeezy II has served me well, but I think I am going to need to find his replacement soon.  I consider this a triumph.

To hold his pants up, silly.

2 comments to To Hold His Pants Up

  • Fred Wszolek

    Congrats. There’s no better feeling than busting past another notch on the belt — on the right end. But don’t keep that old belt around. You have to burn it, like burning the bridge behind you.

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