Holy wow, Batman. Only three days until my first triathlon. I feel the need to express myself in Southern colloquialisms.
I can’t believe I am doing a triathlon. It’ll be here in two shakes of a lambs tail. I hope I have trained enough. I’m more nervous than a long tail cat in a room full of rockin chairs. But you know what. I’m tough and I am going to beat this race like a government mule. I plan to run like a scalded dog. I know that once I finish the race I will be grinnin like a possom eatin briars.
Well here we are folks. I have just three more sleeps until my life changes forever [again] and I go from being a one-at-a-time-thalete to TRIathlete. I AM a bit nervous but I know that the adrenaline will kick in on Sunday morning and I will shake off the nerves and take care of bid-ness.
Here is how I think it will go down.
I will enter the murky, muddy waters in the 3rd wave of the race. That is where the Clydesdales go. Don’t know what that means? Means the BIG guys. I will not rush my swim because I have learned that that a smooth calm stroke in the water will ultimately give me more speed and better control. I will swim for about 200 yards before I realize that I am already tired and out of breath. But then I will keep on swimming. Then I will panic and stop. Then I will realize that I have stopped and I will start swimming again. Then I will exit the water. I plan to do all of that somewhere between 20 and 25 minutes.
Once out of the water, I will sprint as hard as I can down the lane and into the transition area. I will have already set up my stuff in the most strategic of areas. That is where my 6 months of Boy Scout training will come in handy. You know…always be prepared or whatever. Then I will take a deep breath as I grab my socks, shoes and jersey and throw them on in a chaotic yet orderly fashion. I’m nothing if not paradoxical. I will grab my helmet and bike and then hit the cycle course. I will pace myself in the first 3 miles to make sure that I have recovered from the swim. Then I will open it up once I get outside of the park and onto the open road. I know the course well having biked it a few times now. I think that the bike portion is where I am really going to make the best time. I am shooting for 35-45 minutes max on the bike leg.
As I enter the park again for the last stretch of the bike portion I will back my gears down considerably and pump my legs a good bit to make sure that I am flushing blood into the running muscles. I think this is what I will be doing. I don’t know I heard that somewhere. Just kidding. I know that I will need to get my legs ready to run. I will enter back into transition with an advantage over some others. I will already be wearing my running shoes. Oh snap! I will rack my bike, grab a big gulp of water, pray for mercy and strength, and then hit the run course. I already know this part of the race as well from my extensive [sic] (I know sic means something is usually misspelled but does it work for blatant lies as well?) training regimen. My only disadvantage in the run is that my stupid knee has been acting up. Getting old sucks. Taking my knee into account, I still think I can do the run portion in 30-35 minutes.
At worst, by my abacus-like computations, I should be finished within an hour and 45 minutes. I really want an hour thirty.
I need a bionic knee.
I plan to celebrate my victorious finish with a nap, a raffle, and then a burger and beer on Sunday night.
So enough about me. How are you doing?