Mmmm. Doughnuts.


Hey guys. Remember me?

As most of you know by now, I was in Portland OR all last week. I did not set up any guest posts or anything like that so some of you might have thought I fell off of the face of the Earth.

In actuality I fell into a city that I love and, unfortunately, into a pool of too much food and beer and not enough exercise.  I did not intend to have the “I-am-on-vacation-so-I-am-going-to-do-what-ever-I-like” attitude, but it came none-the-less. Well what do you know…I am human after all. Ha!

Well I am back in Charleston now and back on the wagon. We shall see what damage I did to myself later this week when I weigh in. I am SURE there will be some damage (as in weight gain) but I am not going to fret about it until Thursday.
Then I will lose my sh*t and swear that I won’t let a weeks worth of debauchery derail my weight loss and health journey.
I will bellow loudly and fat will tremble before my presence and I will be in a Zen-like state of one-ness with my body and will shed all unwanted weight immediately.
Then I will snap back to reality and eat some broccoli.

Now that I have told you what is to come, allow me to tell you a tale of the past. And yes, doughnuts are involved.

After a week of no real exercise and a long trip home on Friday, I awoke Saturday morning ready to run. Good thing I had already signed up for the Charleston Doughnut Run 5k. This is a 5k race to benefit a non-profit called SideWalk Chalk.  (You may remember me talking about SWC in the video that I made in which I told you 11 random facts about myself … this is the group that does writing workshops in title 1 schools…)

I left the house not actually knowing if I would have a team to run with once I arrived at the location. You see, in this event a team gives you a bit of an advantage. In this race your team has to run 1.5 miles, eat a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and then run 1.5 miles back to the finish. If you are by yourself then you have to eat the 12 doughnuts on your own. Who knew that a 5k could be so good for you and yet so bad at the same time. I love irony!

I had been trying to raise a team up before I left for the West coast, but conflicts, work and travel left me not knowing if I would have to devour the lovely fried evil all by my lonesome. Luckily, my homeslice Brian stepped up to join me even though he had a conference call that would start while we were on the back leg of the race.

We donned our rock star running apparel and slapped each other about the face and head in order to psych ourselves up. When the cannon erupted to signal the start of the race, we laid waste to the pavement and pushed forward through the crowd with amazing speed and agility. None of the things said in the past two sentences actually happened, but I thought it would add dramatic flare. I like to take artistic license in some circumstances.  I digress.

So we ran the first leg and ended up barrelling into the Krispy Kreme parking lot and elbowing our way up to the doughnut bar. In all honesty, we weren’t trying too hard to hurry. The thought of eating 6 doughnuts and then running a mile and a half is enough to make a lesser man puke on the spot. But we are no mere mortal men. We are Team Beast Face Fat Assassin! So we devoured the sweet rings of death and threw caution to the wind. Luckily that was all that was thrown (up or otherwise). Brian and I hit the homestretch just as his conference call was starting. He is so beast that he took the call and finished the race while closing a multi-million dollar defence contract (artistic license).  Team Beast Face Fat Assasins. For the win.

Here is video proof of a) how cool it is to be on Team Beast Face and b) how I need to check the video before I upload it…(don’t worry it is only frozen for the first little bit…)

Peace, love, fried cake. And oh yeah. Tomorrow is my birthday. You can send my love, best wishes, and Lowes gift cards…

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3 comments to Mmmm. Doughnuts.

  • Christine @ Oatmeal in my Bowl
    Twitter: oatmealbowl

    Haha! Great race. Such irony in a donut race. Run for healthy but eat a bunch of really good donuts. haha. I heard Portland Oregon is such a great place. Glad you had a good time.

  • kaysi

    Oh my goodness, if you keep using your “artistic license” I’m not even going to be able to READ your blogs at work anymore!!! I was trying not to laugh out loud at the paragraph that began “We donned our rock star running apparel…” HAHAHA!!!!!

  • Katie Williams

    Happy Birthday Hank!!!! Enjoy yourself a nice piece of cake! But tomorrow is back in the game! PEACE!

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