To Cover My Shame

My sister-in-law always says that tan fat looks better than not-tan fat. I agree, but tanning your fat can be a problematic endeavor if you feel like I do on the inside.

Do you know the phrase “You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t?”

Sure you do. Stop lying.

Well here is something that fat people (men) do that is most assuredly a “damned if you do-damned if you don’t” situation.

Going to the pool (beach, river, other body of water utilized for recreational activities…). Why is that a DIYDDIYD sitch you ask? Because you have two choices in how to present yourself. You can take your shirt OFF and display your vastness for all to see or you can leave your shirt ON and cover your shame (even though everyone will know that all you are trying to do is cover your fat). Either way, you are joke fodder.

You may have noticed that I do not take my weigh in pics topless. Nor do I take them bottomless, yet that one seems to make sense. A lot of my fellow weight loss bloggers have the guts (insert joke here, you a-hole readers) to take their pictures sans shirt. Well I know that I do not have an attractive torso. Therefore I choose not to display it for the whole world.

Enter the part where I write more about going to the pool.

When I was younger I would wear a shirt when I went swimming.  I was terrified that I was going to be made fun of if people saw me without a shirt. I knew I would catch the boy-boob jokes or Moby Dick jokes.  Those jokes came anyway but I felt like I was covering it better when I wore a shirt. When I was older I avoided altogether situations where I might be asked to get in a pool or go to the beach. And I live at the beach. It sucks living at the beach and almost never going because you are afraid of taking your shirt off. As mentioned above, I do not care to show off my upper regions. My dad was one of the many people who would always ask, “Why don’t you take your shirt off?” I would mumble some excuse and try and quickly change the subject.  Remember, I did not like talking about my weight at all.  On the other hand, my father, who is no svelte Joe, never had a problem taking his shirt off in front of other people.   I guess he just didn’t care. But me? I was and am still scared to death of the ridicule I might get when people catch a glimpse of my belly. The great white beast.

There are fat people who do not care at all what they look like with their shirt off. Good for them. Me, I was a shirt in the pool kinda guy for a while, then I gave up going to the pool.  More recently I have found some rash guards and other lycra type shirts that I can wear in the pool and not feel too bad. So I have started going to the pool and beach again. I might still get made fun of for wearing a shirt, but hey, I can handle it.  And besides, there will come a day in the future where I will be able to proudly go topless and the white beast shall take its tan. Until that day, I will cover my shame.


6 comments to To Cover My Shame

  • Whitney
    Twitter: ForestersFight

    Pete knew Ryan Seacrest when he was a shirt in the pool kinda guy. Yes, he was a chubster as a kid. Now he’s a health & exercise nut- like you! Only a matter of time my friend and the Bradburns want to be there to celebrate to reveal of the svelte white beast!! Yeah!

  • Hannah

    that’s tan fat looks better than white fat….i also tell ladies trying on suits @ bert’s i don’t care what type of shape you have there’s always going to be someone whiter than you, bigger than you, & wearing less than you @ the beach…
    but all kidding aside i say go with whatever makes you feel comfortable & with all the spf shirts out there you’re actually doing your skin a favor..

  • Krissie J
    Twitter: phillynerdgirl

    I’m all for people finding anything that makes them comfy enough to be on a beach which is one of my favorite places on the planet. Nothing like having toes in the sand and some craft beer in your hand! 🙂

  • TooBIG
    Twitter: TooBIG

    Ha ha crazy about the cross posting….lol. yep I’m one of the shirt at the pool guys too but I’m also one of those bloggers that will take my shirt off for a weigh-in pic.

  • your wife

    Greyson is loving going to the pool with you every Sunday, she doesn’t care what you wear 🙂

  • Hello, came over by way of mizfit.

    All I could think reading this was how I always wore a shirt swimming/at the beach while growing up….to avoid getting a sunburn! Tan may look better but is not necessarily healthier. Just sayin.

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